Hattie's Birth Story, Part 2- The Tiniest Love.

 For part 1, click here. Warning, that first picture is a doozy.

So, we made it to triage at about 4 and told the nurse about my blood pressure. And, the irritating thing is that she didn't seem to believe me. I know the nurses are supposed to be skeptical, but REALLY? She said "Did you just get the high reading one time?" First of all lady, no. Second of all, I was JUST HERE for hypertension. So I was irritated. But of course my blood pressure was "fine" (140/90, so still high), so she said "Well let me call your doctor and we will try to get you home. We want to keep that baby in a little longer you're only 34 weeks." I just stared at Brandon when she left. Of course we wanted to keep that baby in! But I'd rather not die in the process.

By the time Rita came at about 6:30, my BP was creeping back up. She asked us what we wanted to do (which I honestly loved). I just told her I was worried that my blood pressure would keep spiking higher, and I didn't want it to happen in the middle of the night or something. She said, "I'm starting to agree. So let's get the process of inducing you started!" I was relieved- and a little stressed- so we texted our families.

Then came the kicker. Rita said "Let's scan the baby really fast and make sure that she is still head down". They put the ultrasound wand up to my belly and she was FEET DOWN. She had turned breech again! Rita said, "Well, I guess we need to prep you for a C section now!" She turned to the nurse and told her to get the OR ready, and suddenly it felt like a thousand people were in our tiny triage area. Really it was probably a dozen at the most, but I.was.PANICKING. I laid there staring at the ceiling, trying not to cry. You know the feeling of being alone in a crowded room? I had never understood that until that very moment. There was kind of a buzz around me. I wanted to have a chance to talk to my friends that had had C sections, and to Krystel because she had just had one with Benson. But there was no time, they were prepping me RIGHT THEN. In a move that both made me laugh and was endearing, Rita leaned over and kissed my forehead through her mask. I just tried to breathe while answering all the questions, looking over at Brandon when I couldn't answer one because my brain was going 600 miles an hour.

(Also funny story, the nurse anesthetist looked at Brandon and said, "You look familiar. Do you work in the healthcare field?" When he said he did, she said that he had helped her dad when he had some health issues. She was in the appointments with him. It was at that moment that I was SO glad Brandon is the way he is. Could you imagine if he had been a mean healthcare provider? We knew we'd get extra special care from her.)

When I went to the stretcher, I began to have a real panic attack. I told them I needed to take my mask off, and thankfully they let me. THAT is how bad it was. When we got to the OR Brandon needed to stay outside so they could prep me, and going inside I had the weirdest out of body experience. I remember  being wheeled in and thinking "Wow, the lights are too bright. I need to close my eyes." But I couldn't control my body. I wouldn't talk to anyone when they asked me questions, just shook my head or nodded. I wouldn't look at anyone, just kept my eyes squeezed shut. I followed their directions, just completely mute. I wish I could explain the way that I felt, because it was the oddest thing. It was like an out of body experience. Finally, they said, "Uhh, maybe we should bring Dad back in here." Once Brandon made it in I at least opened my eyes. The surgeon came in and introduced herself to me, but I could only stare at her through my mask. They began poking me to see if I could still feel, and once I was numb they got ready to start the C section. It was 8:01 (according to the messages I saw after the fact). Just before, they said "Wow she's really wiggling!" I asked if they could at least make sure she wasn't head down, so I could avoid this if possible. But alas, she was still breech.

*Skip this sentence if you don't want to hear a description of the C section*

I didn't feel anything at first, but when the surgeon said "Ok, you're going to feel some pressure so keep breathing" suddenly it felt like the most intense baby moving ever.

Then, I heard the tiniest cry. It sounded like a kitten. She was born at 8:05, 4 minutes after it began.

Now, Brandon being Brandon didn't think of what the bottom half of the original picture showed, so when he showed me the picture all I could see was the giant wide open hole in my stomach. It was a very surreal experience, seeing a picture of my surgery as it was happening.

As they brought her over to get weighed, I suddenly got very very tired. I heard them call out her weight, 4 pounds 12 ounces. Then I fell asleep. The next thing I remember hearing is "Mom?" And "Camille look!" The NICU nurse was holding the baby next to me. It was amazing to see the tiniest person I would ever love. And yes, she looks exactly like James.

It's not a great picture of me, but I'm strapped to a table so I'll give myself a break. She. Was. Perfect. And what was interesting was as soon as I saw her, I thought, "Her name has to be Hattie". It was on our list of names but not the one we were thinking when we went to the hospital. But in that moment I knew that had to be her name.

Brandon followed the baby to the NICU, and I went to recovery.

Part 3 coming up next.

Hattie's birth story, part 1- the silent killer.

 It has been 6 weeks since miss Hattie Kay joined our family, but I haven't been able to find the time (or energy) to write down what happened. But don't worry, it's basically seared into my brain so I haven't forgotten anything.

To begin- Cora's spring break was the last week of March. She started back up on April 6, which was also James's first day of preschool. So I wanted to do a few fun things with the kids. We did some fun things, like going to a movie theater for the first time in who knows how long. But the issue of the week was that I noticed my face was super swollen every morning when I woke up. I knew I had issues with swelling at the end of pregnancy, but I still had 6 weeks to go. This was too early! I called my doctor and she said to wait until my appointment on the 1st and we'd see what was happening.

(I took this picture for evidence, and woof.)

My appointment was April 1, so I thought it would be funny to text Brandon afterward and say that he needed to meet me at the hospital. However, the truth was stranger than fiction. When I got to my appointment, my blood pressure was 130/90. My doctor wrote me a prescription for a BP medication, and told me to have Brandon check my blood pressure before and after taking it a few times and write down the numbers. I also had to go get my blood taken to see if I had preeclampsia. On top of THAT, baby was breech. So if I was able to stay pregnant long enough she'd probably turn. The question is if my health stayed stable long enough.

I went to the pool to swim and turn somersaults that night, because I heard that makes your breech baby turn. I'm not sure if it was successful, but it did feel good to be in a cool pool with my giant belly.

I started my blood pressure medicine, but there was a problem. My BP was HIGHER after I took the medicine. In fact, it was higher every time Brandon took it. From Thursday to Friday, it jumped from 130/90 to 160/100. When my doctor called me Friday night to say I didn't have preeclampsia, I said "Well that's a relief, because my husband just took my blood pressure and it was 160/100!" And then I heard the 4 words you don't want to hear from a doctor... "What?! That's not good!" She had me check it again while on the phone, and when it hadn't changed she said, "You need to go to the hospital right now. Do you have someone to watch the kids?" Immediately my hands started shaking. Thank goodness my friend Alison answered the phone when I called her, and they were willing to take the kids until we got home. I told her I didn't know when that would be, but I'd keep her posted and as soon as Brandon could get home he'd come get the kids. Cora cried as we dropped her off, which ripped my heart right out. She could see our stress, even though we had tried to keep that from her.

Date night at triage!

After taking my blood pressure multiple times in triage, they decided to admit me. Since it was midnight, Brandon just stayed there with me. I got an IV, some medicine put in there, and lots and lots of questions asked. It was so fun (sarcasm) to get my blood pressure taken every 15 minutes all night, and the baby's heart rate checked. The checks didn't always line up. At one point, the nurse came in and said "Oh, poor girl you look so tired." It was 3 AM and I hadn't fallen asleep yet! I got this funny picture of Brandon sleeping.

The next morning, Brandon went home to get the kids and my mom drove up from Irvine. I saw her arrive through the smart doorbell, and I'm not going to lie I teared up a little bit seeing her show up. Brandon said he felt the same way, thinking, "The cavalry is here".

I didn't have anything to do. I didn't even bring a change of clothes, thinking I'd be out in a few hours. Thankfully that isn't an issue in the hospital, but still. The best part of the hospital was the Harry Potter marathon on TV. I watched the first 5 movies throughout the weekend. Brandon came to visit and brought me my Kindle and a change of clothes and a toothbrush. My blood pressure stayed in the 150's or 160's, even with around the clock monitoring. I was just glad her heart rate always sounded good when we monitored her. I also got the steroid shots for the baby's lungs, and if you know anything about the steroid shots you know it was a painful experience that left me with giant bandaids in a spot where I couldn't see them.

(Funny story, a nurse came in one night and tried to wake me up for heart monitoring, and I could NOT stir. As she moved me around to wrap the monitors around my belly, I said in a slurred voice, "It's like when you're trying to get a sleeping baby out of the car seat." Haha)

That Sunday was Easter Sunday. Watching videos of the kids doing their Easter egg hunt while I was in the hospital was painful. I cried thinking I wouldn't be out of there for a long time. They couldn't even come visit because of Covid. So imagine my surprise when my doctor said "Good news, we can send you home!" I stared at her, and she said "You're stable enough with the medicine, so I want to give you a chance at home. You need to check your blood pressure a few times a day, and come back if it gets to over 160 or 100. You probably won't make it to next weekend, but we need a few extra days to help her grow." So I called Brandon in happy tears, and said I was ready to get picked up. It was an Easter miracle! As I was wheeled out, I told the nurse, "Hopefully I'm not back before your shift ends!"

When I made it home, I immediately went to the couch and laid down. A few hours later, Brandon took my blood pressure and it was 150/90. He told me to go into our room and lay on my left side, and he'd try it again in an hour. I turned on beach sounds and tried to stay calm and quiet. Hard to do when you're extremely stressed! Brandon came in and checked it, and it was 170/110. Brandon looked at me, and said "It's probably time to go back to the hospital." Now, if I know anything about Brandon, I know he doesn't tell someone to go to the hospital lightly. The only times he's told someone to go to the hospital (outside of work) was literally life or death. I told him, "It's so weird that my blood pressure can go up 40 points and I don't even feel different." He said "That's why it's called the silent killer." That was REALLY helpful to hear while I'm dealing with it.

So my mom took a picture of the 4 of us, and we were off! Appreciate the super swollen eyes.

Part 2 coming up next, in less than 6 weeks.

1 year of pandemic.

 Ok, I have really fallen off the blogging wagon this year. But there are 2 reasons- one big for the world and one big for our family.

I've been seeing all these posts saying "A year ago I didn't realize it was the end of my normal life". I read an article that it will be our "flash bulb" moment, one where we remember exactly where we were when we heard that school/church/everything was closing down for "a few weeks". So here's my experience.

In February 2020, I was talking with someone when they said "Man, this coronavirus stuff sounds serious!" And I kind of blew that off. We had lived through the Ebola AND Zika scares in Miami, and both of those had been majorly overblown. So I assumed it was going to be that for us as well. But as time went on, we saw that it was beginning to be just as bad as it sounded. But life was still moving on in Visalia. I was training for a sprint triathlon that I would do in May. This was our week before the lockdown... see if anything seems out of place.

We went to the Blossom Festival in Sanger and ran a race:

We saw the blossoms:

We went to church... I remember even making a joke that James gave someone else coronavirus because he drank out of her sippy cup at nursery. (Notice Cora put on her makeup on the way to church without us knowing)

We went to preschool:

We encouraged sibling rivalry:

We got ready for St. Patrick's Day:

AND, in a moment of genius, we bought a trampoline for our backyard. THIS photo below is my "last normal picture".

We knew something was coming because March Madness had been cancelled and church had been cancelled. My parents came to visit to see the blossoms, but about an hour after they got to our house we got the call that the school district (and, by extension, the preschool) were cancelling classes until spring break to try to slow the spread of the virus. Everyone went into apocalyptic mode. The toilet paper shortage is still something that sounds surreal. James threw out half a roll of toilet paper the other day and it brought me right back to that mindset. At least we don't have to worry about that anymore!

What was supposed to be a fun weekend looking at the blossoms with my parents turned into "Ok, how can we get our emergency preparedness ready so I don't leave the house?"

While many of our friends and family began working from home, and college students left their apartments and went back home, Brandon kept working with the sick people. When you hear about the bodies being stacked in refrigerated trucks in NYC, you start to panic about the health of healthcare providers. I can now safely say I was super depressed. Brandon was exposed to Covid for the first time in only the SECOND week of lockdown. I cried for hours thinking about him being on a ventilator, and what would I do if he died? Etc. etc. etc. I didn't want to get out of bed... I was PANICKING. And a big part of that was that I didn't have any outlet. I am NOT a homebody by any stretch of the imagination, so to be forced to be at home suddenly was awful. Cora was struggling, because she loved preschool and didn't understand why she couldn't go back. And so I was trying to be a good strong parent for her while I was freaking out. 
Thankfully, the fog lifted after a few weeks. I want to update about our first few months, with the "daily post" I put on social media. But our year was so hard and so great at the same time. I can't believe it's been a year already. But looking back now and seeing how awful I felt (and how scary it was), I feel hope. Cora is back at school, even just for half a day. We get to go to church every other week, even just for sacrament meeting. I can go to the gym outside (I REALLY missed the gym, even though I can't do the classes right now). Brandon is still working with sick people (and brought Covid home), but we made it through that fire. He is now vaccinated, along with our grandparents and quite a few friends. And thanks to the parameters being changed to qualify for vaccination in California, I can now get my vaccine this week! (My doctor strongly urged me to get it as soon as possible) This nightmare will not be over for a while. But we are moving in the right direction. Hopefully by end of year 2 we will have some serious steps taken toward our "new normal".

2021, here we come!

 I have been BAD at blogging for the last year or so! Phew. I really want to be better about it. I'll catch up on 2020 soon because WHAT A YEAR.

Just a funny story to start off 2021. This week I'm limping because I did a Body Pump class at the gym, and have been limping and uncomfortable for a few days (the squats did me in). With that and my ever growing belly, strangers are starting to notice my pregnancy.

I was checking out of Target earlier today, and the cashier asked "Are you about due?" I just had to laugh. She looked like she was in high school, and I didn't want to make her feel worse by saying "About 4 more months!" So I just said "In a bit".

This is what I was wearing.

In addition, I have gotten some funny comments from the kids.

The other day, Cora said "How do you exercise when your tummy is so big?"

James said "Mom, your tummy is too big for your shirt!" Because he could see a little bit of the maternity panel beneath my shirt.

And this morning he walked by, grazing my stomach with his fingers and saying to himself, "Huuuuuuge..."

They keep me humble!

Baby girl is growing well though! 23 weeks and about a pound.

Happy Anniversary- 9 years

 Remember me?  I haven't been on here in a LONG time. But I want to keep track of some things, and hopefully catch things up so I can print this out. Even though we all know 2020 has not been our year.

Brandon and I have celebrated 9 years of marriage. Every year when I look back at our wedding pictures I think "I thought I loved you then". But it seems that our relationship has gotten harder and stronger by taking on the challenges that have come.

Brandon has been my rock through Covid. During the beginning of it, I could barely get out of bed I was struggling so much. He would work all day (with sick people who could have had Covid- he was exposed multiple times in the first month) then take care of me and the kids because I couldn't handle it. By now I have accepted that this is my new normal, so I can do laundry or cook again. How do you repay someone for carrying you through their own struggles?

We always joke that the in-laws in our house are the nicest people. But I'm pretty sure it's actually true. I'm glad I married the quiet nice guy from my ward, and that he saw the real me past the Orange County raised, Tuscany living girl. (He has some misgivings about me at first, if you can believe that!)

Even barring the pandemic, we have been through some things that have ended marriages of people I know. But we've learned that the way we handle our struggles can make or break us. That sounds cryptic, but we're good! Just learning to build our Christ like attributes of patience and longsuffering, as a blessing told me.

We've also had a lot of fun! We had our first trip away from the kids (for more than 24 hours) in the beautiful Hotel del Coronado. We got to have a roadtrip to Colorado and Utah, and we got to see 2 of Brandon's siblings get married. There's no better thing than family, in my opinion. We finally feel like we're past the "struggling student" situation financially, and we love knowing that we can now save for the future. Brandon especially loves to tell me how much is saved in each kid's college fund. That is something we've been working toward for years.

We've been talking about our big 10th anniversary trip for about a year already, and we were all set to go to Iceland. Now it doesn't seem like that will happen, but hopefully we can travel SOMEWHERE next year. For now, I'll just love our house, our kids, and the life we've built and worked so hard for.

Happy anniversary, Brandon.

Our first 911 call.

If you had told me when we started January 2020 that I'd make my first parental 911 call and I was a betting person, I'd have put money on James having fallen off something or jumped and broken something. I'd never ever think it was Cora.

I went to get my haircut after Brandon got off work, and came home and went to bed early for once. My kids had been driving me nuts, and I was glad for a break. Brandon had fallen asleep on the couch, and since I gave up a long time ago on trying to move him I left him there.

I woke up a few hours later to a commotion. It sounded like throwing up, and Brandon YELLING. He never yells, and especially at our kids. All of a sudden here he was, yelling and screaming "WHAT DID YOU DO?? YOU NEED TO TELL ME!" I jumped out of bed to see him holding Cora over the sink, trying to give her the Heimlich. I started shaking, and asked him "Is she choking or something??" And he just kept yelling at her. I realized that what I thought was throwing up was Cora not breathing. She could gasp in tiny breaths, but couldn't breathe out. Soon Brandon and I were both screaming (different ways), and Cora was crying but still not breathing any better. I yelled "I'm calling 911!" I thought Brandon would tell me I was being dramatic, but he didn't say anything. So I ran back to the room. I don't know why, but I was able to stay calm while telling them "my 4 year old just woke up and can't breathe. She's choking. She needs an ambulance." While doing this I was pulling on pants because I realized I was about to have a bunch of strangers in my house and I didn't want them to see me like this I forget what the responder said, but suddenly Brandon was running over to me. He yanked the phone out of my hand and said "I'm a PA. She needs an ambulance right now!" Suddenly, my hands stopped shaking. I had a feeling of immense peace come over me. I just knew Brandon would move heaven and earth to make sure she was ok.

Brandon opened the front door just in time to see a police car squeal into our cul de sac. The officer came running in to see Cora, who was sitting in the chair with me. She was calming down, but still working way too hard to breathe. You could see her working with her neck muscles, which I had learned is a really bad sign. The police car was joined by a fire truck and ambulance, all with lights blazing. Did I mention this was midnight? I'm sure our neighbors were all watching. The 911 response time was FAST, about 3 minutes.

The firefighters said they didn't think Cora was choking, but that it was croup. I had croup a bunch of times as a kid, and I thought "Oh, that's it?" I thought they were going to leave us, but when Cora asked me to not leave her I told her she wasn't going anywhere without me. I had no idea how scary and dangerous croup was. The paramedics said they'd like to bring her to the ER to check her out, so I put shoes on while Brandon got Cora's car seat from the van.

 I started texting a few people at a time, saying "Can you just pray RIGHT now? Cora isn't breathing well." I wasn't sure who was going to see it, but I just needed some support. It would have made more sense to send Brandon with Cora, but when my kids are sad or sick they only want mom. So there I was!

Cora needed some breathing masks with epinephrine, because her oxygen levels were dropping by the minute. Her body was just getting tired. She was obviously scared. But she had her Cotton Candy unicorn (the one she got when she had her second round of ear tubes last August), that I said made her brave.

 The ER itself was a wild ride. There were grown men screaming, and someone had ripped out their IV and was bleeding everywhere. Meanwhile, the one who should be screaming was quiet as could be. Thankfully, we got back to a room quickly and it helped us to not hear a lot of the sounds. I felt kind of bad that we got into a room so quickly when people were laying in the hall all night, but I also did not want to give it up.

 After Cora's oxygen levels became more stable, we just had to wait to make sure she could breathe on her own without the help of epinephrine. She finally fell asleep about 2:30, but I could not rest. I had thankfully grabbed my phone charger and put it in my pocket, because I was just stuck sitting and waiting. I KNEW she was going to be fine if I closed my eyes, but 1) I just had a little metal chair to sit on and 2) my adrenaline was just too high.

They did an X Ray on her throat and determined that it was croup, since there was nothing in her airway. We were finally allowed to go at 5 AM. I was glad that Brandon was awake, even though I knew we had friends who would have picked us up if he didn't answer. James slept through the WHOLE thing, so he was wide awake and happy to see us when they got to the hospital.

Needless to say, we did nothing the next day. Cora took the day off of school, Brandon took the day off of work, and we just rested. We appreciated all the calls, texts, treats, and dinners we were given the next day.

We are so thankful that this was so short lived. We weren't even admitted to the hospital! Cora was totally fine by the time she woke up the next morning. However, Brandon and I were severely shaken up. How on earth does a child go to bed not sick and then nearly die a few hours later? How did Brandon hear her? I didn't! How are we so lucky to have such healthy children that this was our first 911 call? We have friends who have children who have spent more time in the hospital than I can imagine.

I talked to my mom the next day, and she told me how awful it really was whenever I had croup in the middle of the night. I BELIEVE IT.

So there you go. We are officially parents. We have needed to call 911, ride in an ambulance and spend the night in the ER. I hope we don't have to do it again, but we're glad it had such a happy ending.

Trip to Dallas!

I decided to be courageous and take the kids on a flight by myself. Cora had 3 weeks off for Christmas break, and the last week had some crazy cheap flights. So we were off to Dallas!

First things first... I borrowed Kindles for the kids and bought headphones. They did not make a PEEP the whole drive down to Irvine. It was so amazing.

 I tried bringing James's car seat with me through LAX security. It was a DISASTER. Thankfully I had checked our bags (i put all our clothes in one giant suitcase), because this would have been impossible. But when I got to our gate, I found out that our airplane was "remote". Which meant we had to go down 2 flights of stairs and onto a bus. With a giant stroller and car seat? There's no way. As I was trying to figure out what to do, with 2 kids who were trying to run away, nearly in tears, a man saw my plight and took pity on me. He grabbed the stroller and took it down the stairs and onto the bus for me. Everyone learned James's name quickly (of course) and when the man disembarked they said "follow your dad James!". So I needed to explain that that wasn't his dad, just a nice stranger who helped me.

 Flight was chaotic but successful, basically.  We were just glad to make it to Dallas and see our cousins!

 Benson is the cutest. He's so happy and smiley most of the time, but he's unsure about the swing.

 This picture just cracked me up.

The kids loved playing on the trampoline. We may have to buy one!

Pictures by Lucy:

One of the things I love about Dallas are all the nice trails. We went to the arboretum.

We also go to visit their "Fun Club" and swim. So nice in January!

More pictures by Lucy:

Even a filter!

They just opened a Fiiz in Frisco, so we got to go! The kids drinks are RIDICULOUS.

Since Dallin and Alyse live a mile apart, we walked from house to house.

I wish they had a indoor play place like this in Visalia!

And another Texas staple- Buc-Ee's!

Dane was so nice to James!

And on our last day, it SNOWED. Cora said "I am FREAKING OUT. Why is it SNOWING???"

Thankfully, the flight home was much less chaotic than the flight there. I am glad we went, but I think it may take a while to get the nerve to fly with the kids by myself again!