Embracing my changing body.

I am finally to the point where I really like being pregnant. Baby Giullian is so active, even on her lazy days. See example here:

I have more energy, which is good because I'm trying to get my life in order before she comes. If I had been feeling like this my entire pregnancy I can see why people love it so much. As it is, I'm grateful for the chance to actually like it and I know it's going to be worth it in the end.

So I remember when I hit 14 weeks and started the second trimester I told Brandon, "Look I'm starting to show!" and had him take a picture of me for Instagram. Here's my belly:

For the record, that is more of a belly than I've had, but now I realize that was just a bunch of bloating from being so sick (and some nachos, I remember). I just wanted so badly to have a little baby bump so that people would see I wasn't faking being sick for no reason.

Compare that to my third trimester picture (taken 3 weeks ago):

I know I'm not huge by any stretch of the imagination, but sometimes when I get a look at myself in the mirror I think "I have THAT sticking out in front of me?!"

I know I look visibly pregnant now. Which is good since I'll be 30 weeks on Tuesday. I know that because everyone stops me to ask about the baby and if I know what I'm having and what we're going to name her. (By the way, we're naming her "Neveah", or "Heaven" spelled backwards. OR you'll find out when she's born...) Does the grocery store clerk need to know those things? No, but it's nice when people congratulate you on it.

I couldn't put my finger down on why it bothered me so much though. I had a talk with myself about why it might bother me. And after a period of self reflection, I think it's this: 1) I know better than to ask someone if they're pregnant. Ever. 2) What if they were wrong? That's going to make me feel really good if in 6 months someone asks me when I'm due. "Umm, about 3 1/2 months ago."

I've never struggled with my weight. Which I know doesn't warrant a ton of sympathy. But it hasn't been something that I've struggled with. From 20 weeks on, I've put on more weight than I care to admit. I've never bought into the mentality of "Eat for 2!" or "You can eat whatever you want, it's fine!" Because I know that you inevitably have to pay for that sooner or later. So I've been going on walks a few times a week (down by the beach), and I've been eating better than I had for the past 2 trimesters. My diet has basically broken down into this: 1st trimester=staying alive long enough to beat morning sickness, 2nd trimester=learning to eat a balanced diet again as I begin reintroducing foods into my system, and 3rd trimester= actually watching what I eat. So why do I keep packing on the pounds?! I'm not sure, but I know that I'm doing the best I can to make sure it's at least healthy weight. Even if I do gain 70 pounds, I know I did everything to stop it.

But I know it's messing with my head, and every time I eat something that basically isn't a fruit or vegetable I feel like I'm just adding on another pound to my weight gain. I had a dream last night that I gained 120 pounds in between my appointments, which was terrifying at the time (and yes, amusing now). I remember crying in my dream "But I don't even LOOK that fat!" So... yeah. I'm learning to embrace my body. I'm grateful that baby Giullian is still growing healthy, and I get my final ultrasound on Monday and get to see her again!