The word "and".

I follow a Facebook page called "Modern Inspiring Mormon Women", or something to that effect. There have been many posts about different women, all with the concept of "Embrace your and!" They are a mother AND a student AND a worker AND an expatriate etc.

Well, I am trying to embrace my "and" AND it really has been hard. I just started an online master's program, and I want to get through it quickly. I am also being pulled a bunch of different directions in church and feel like I can't give the proper attention to any of my five callings because of it.

Right now, I am a wife AND a mother AND a student AND a Cub Scout leader AND a Primary teacher AND the first counselor in the Stake Primary Presidency AND the ward organist AND a piano teacher AND a friend AND a runner AND a reader AND AND AND AND AND.

I have tried so hard to remain positive, really I have. And the purpose of this is not to complain. It is more to just voice how my brain feels. Which may be complaining, oh well.

I try day in and day out to do what is right. I take Cora out a few times a day, even if it is just to the grocery store or the library (across the street). She loves going outside. I try to talk to her all day, and read stories multiple times a day, and feed her good natural foods. She can get into chicken nuggets later (KIDDING MOM!).

School is going to be hard. It is something I have wanted to do, and I knew it will be hard work, but that doesn't mean it won't be overwhelming. My final semester is a practicum that is a replica of my student teaching. 16 weeks, full time in the classroom. Which means my little tender nugget is going to have to go to a daycare for that time. Which kills me. And also makes me apprehensive about the idea of having an even tinier baby around to go to the daycare. I know that is a luxury to even be worried about it, but that is something I have never wanted for our babies if we could help it.

Church has been stressful. I have 2 official callings and 3 unofficial ones. One is going to double as a part time job, which is nice because we have prayed for a way for me to make a little extra income without having to pay for childcare. But at the end of the day I am away a lot more than Brandon is at night, because of the meetings I have.

The worst is I feel terrible for Brandon. I really am not trying to push him off to the side, and he knows that. I hope. But we are both so tired when he gets home (12 hour ER rotations) that it isn't the same. The days off are GREAT though.

I had so many good New Year's Resolutions. Don't we all? I was going to blog once a week. Yeah. I was going to run/walk/bike 500 miles. But some health issues have blocked that way for a little bit. It's hard to not be overwhelmed! The past few days it has really come to a head, so I was kind of mopey today.

But I have also been finding little tiny blessings today. I was looking through my pictures and just tearing up at the sweet baby we have created and kept alive for almost a year. I mean really, look at her! 

She is just the cutest.

I also saw this picture today, and it made me grateful. Even though Cora follows me into the bathroom (ok that is just funny), and whines because she refuses to nap in the afternoon (normal), and choked on a tiny piece of apple and stopped breathing for about 10 seconds tonight which took about 10 years off my life, I am so grateful for where we are. Warts and all. I will take the stresses if it means I can have my little family!

So I guess for now I will try to embrace the "and". I am a whole lot of ands right now, AND that is ok.