I'm working on reminding myself of just how blessed I am.
Sure, I feel like my eyeballs are about to fall out. I've been spit up on many times already (she dodges the burp cloth), and I feel less like a parent and more like Meals on Wheels. Brandon and I have barely slept in the same bed in 2+ weeks, and I haven't slept more than 2 and a half hours at a time since getting to the hospital. There have been a few tears shed in the middle of the night where I wonder what the heck I'm doing. I don't remember the last time I brushed my teeth (I know I do it, I just don't remember when...), or the last time I washed my hair. Sometimes it is every day for 5 days, sometimes I forget for a few showers.
(Brandon snapped this lovely shot a few nights ago. Cora just likes to be with us.)
But Cora is really a dream baby. She only cries when she's cold, and about once a night when she's tired and can't figure out how to fall asleep. Part of that might be that I am so sensitive to her sounds that I know when she is waking up and hungry, and I get her up. I'm already spoiling her.
(And here we are at 2 AM when she was just wanting to chat.)
But in the middle of the night, when I'm ready to cry because I'm just so tired, I remember what Brandon told me our second night in the hospital. The nurse came in after testing her bilirubin levels, and said that they had been a little bit high so they had to do a blood test. In addition, they said she had already lost 9% of her body weight (which when you are only 7 pounds is a lot I guess), so they said I had to supplement with formula. Now I hadn't slept more than an hour at a time in almost 2 days, so the idea that my body was failing my baby was too much for me. Brandon came to my part of the room and found me just completely melting down. He sat down and told me that it's normal to have newborns lose some weight at the beginning, and that my body wasn't failing anyone besides the fact that I was exhausted. He told me that when he was checking into the maternity ward he heard another guest ask, "So, are they in the maternity ward yet?" And the worker at the desk said, "No, they're still in the ICU."
I have a healthy baby. I have a healthy body. I have a supportive husband who is doing what he can to make sure that I don't completely fall apart. We are both exhausted but learning to rely on each other. And we are 3 weeks in!
But Cora is really a dream baby. She only cries when she's cold, and about once a night when she's tired and can't figure out how to fall asleep. Part of that might be that I am so sensitive to her sounds that I know when she is waking up and hungry, and I get her up. I'm already spoiling her.
But in the middle of the night, when I'm ready to cry because I'm just so tired, I remember what Brandon told me our second night in the hospital. The nurse came in after testing her bilirubin levels, and said that they had been a little bit high so they had to do a blood test. In addition, they said she had already lost 9% of her body weight (which when you are only 7 pounds is a lot I guess), so they said I had to supplement with formula. Now I hadn't slept more than an hour at a time in almost 2 days, so the idea that my body was failing my baby was too much for me. Brandon came to my part of the room and found me just completely melting down. He sat down and told me that it's normal to have newborns lose some weight at the beginning, and that my body wasn't failing anyone besides the fact that I was exhausted. He told me that when he was checking into the maternity ward he heard another guest ask, "So, are they in the maternity ward yet?" And the worker at the desk said, "No, they're still in the ICU."
I have a healthy baby. I have a healthy body. I have a supportive husband who is doing what he can to make sure that I don't completely fall apart. We are both exhausted but learning to rely on each other. And we are 3 weeks in!
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