The heart of a mother.

So, Sunday was Mother's Day. It is so weird that it was my first one as a mom. Has that hit me yet? Not really.

Now, as we are all of 4 weeks into parenthood I don't think I know everything (or anything) about being a mother yet. I really just feel like I'm surviving. But I can write about what I do know and about how I feel.

A mother's heart is afraid. Really, I am constantly afraid that something will happen to her. When we first brought her home, I would cry every time I fell asleep because I was so worried about what would happen to her while I was asleep, and if I would see her again. I would have slept by her every part of every night if it weren't for Brandon forcing me to go to bed. Then I would lie there terrified of what would happen until my body would just fall asleep on its own. Fortunately I'm getting past that, but I still get up to check on her if her breathing sounds funny in the night.

A mother's heart is tired. SO SO tired. Cora is still getting up every 3 hours... she usually goes down ok after she eats, but that still is an hour. So I'm only sleeping 2 hours at a time. I am just praying I don't get sick.

A mother's heart is learning. I am already starting to figure out some of Cora's tells. She has a cry for when she is cold (which is the saddest thing to me), which is usually after bathtime. Luckily she forgives us after she is wrapped up in a warm blanket, and we snuggle which is my favorite part. I mean, look at the way she's looking at me. How can that not melt your heart?

She has hungry cries, and just wanting to be held cries. We are learning to differentiate.

I am still not perfect, at ALL. Cora doesn't get a bath as much as she probably should (I'm not comfortable doing it by myself yet), and she sleeps on us more than she should (can't resist that either), but she is loved and I'm sure she knows it.

A mother's heart loves, and loves, and loves, and loves. I still love this girl so much. Even though I am exhausted and constantly hoping that what I am doing is right, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Love love love her.

So on to Mother's Day.

Brandon made sure it was a good day for me. He took Cora for 4 hours in the night, which means I slept for 4 hours! Woohooooo! When I woke up, Brandon surprised me with Lucky Charms (yes!). So I got that and got to sleep in a little more when Cora slept. Brandon went to church, and I stayed at home (I'll probably go back soon, I just want her little immune system to get stronger first). Then the sister missionaries in our ward came over to video chat with their families and had dinner with us. Brandon made some great pork chops, mashed potatoes, and salad with Inka Cola (my other favorite). Then we got to video chat with the whole Murphy family including Dallin. Our last missionary call for who knows how long. Dallin looked good and talked really fast, which was funny.

While we were waiting some of the effects got turned on, which made for some hilarious pictures. This one kills me... poor Graham the pirate cat.

Cora and I matched, which actually was by accident. She was not impressed.

While she was kind of cranky the whole day, it was still a really good and lowkey Mother's Day. Which, when you have a newborn is what you want.