Beach Baby.

Since we have gone to the beach TWICE I thought I'd write it down.

We went on the 16th to the Hollywood "Broadwalk", which was quite the experience. It made me feel like I was back in Balboa. We had heard about the "Taco Spot", which was a taco restaurant. It did not disappoint. In addition, I was able to get seafood for the first time since coming here! (my aversion started basically when we got here, which was sad). So I got a massive Mahi Mahi taco and a grilled shrimp quesadilla. SUPER messy, but that's why we have baby wipes. Brandon got grilled carnitas tacos. Then we got some ice cream and sat by the beach for a while. Cora was SO nice and slept the whole time (probably because it sounded like her noise machine out there).

Cora even found her first turtle nest!

Today, since Brandon had the day off we decided to go to the beach in the morning before it got too hot. Cora wore her Old Navy flag onesie (I've been so excited to buy one for her!)

 Seriously, these expressions are hilarious. She also has some flip flops that I bought, but we'll see if I can get them on next time.

She liked lounging at the beach... until she spit up on the chair and all over me when I picked her up.

I made us match, because she's too young to hate it. And look at those cheeks! Where did my tiny baby go?

Family picture. See the ocean in the reflection of Brandon's glasses?

It was a nice morning, and we are going to try and go walking/running tonight (gulp).

And we hope Cora will like getting in the water when she gets bigger! We have swimsuits for her when she moves up a size, and I'm so excited to see her in them. Especially with these rolls.

Cora's 1 month stats

So, when we brought Cora to her newborn appointment she was 6 pounds 8 ounces and 20 inches long. She was just swimming in her newborn sized onesies.

 She is quite the kung fu master.

For the first 2 1/2 weeks of her life she slept in this chair, wrapped up in the quilt my Grandma Myres made for me when I was born!

So, we were interested to hear about how much she had grown in the last month. They say babies have growth spurts... I think this entire month has been one giant growth spurt. She has been wanting to eat CONSTANTLY. It is very demanding on me, both physically and mentally.

But anyway, I took this picture last Sunday and noticed just how big her cheeks were looking.

But we had our guesses on how big she was going to be. I said 8 1/2 pounds, and Brandon said that had to be too big. He thought 8 pounds 2 ounces. So when they laid her on the scale, I was not prepared to see TEN POUNDS. Seriously, she gained 3 1/2 pounds in 4 weeks! And THAT made all the night time feedings and feeling like I was going to wither away and die worth it.

She jumped from the 21st percentile for weight to the 66th percentile. Go girl!

And a few more random pictures because they are cute. I will write more later about her first trip to the beach, but she is stirring from her swing so I need to get her.

 This is her stretching face. She only makes it every time she moves while she's asleep haha. And see the little roll?

Someone asked if she was a boy dressed like this. Seriously?

Neck rolls.

1 month- I never want to forget

Well, our tiny girl is almost a month old. I can't believe that a month ago she was still sitting in my belly, getting ready to make her grand appearance!

(Seriously, so tiny.)
I will write some more after her 1 month appointment on Wednesday, but for now...
Some things I don't want to forget:

-Her favorite place to sleep. Cora would rather sleep on our chests than anywhere else. I absolutely love it, and have a hard time putting her down. She has even slept on my chest a few times after early morning feedings in bed (on accident- oops!). Every time she does that, I am reminded of that first night, after her first bath, when she slept on my chest and I just stared at this tiny face sleeping on me. And then I think of having a 2 year old who can't sleep anywhere but on our chests and I put her in her swing/bed/chair to help her get used to it. But I still watch her while she sleeps. When she gets on your shoulder or chest, she scrunches up as tight as she can. This comes with its own series of grunts, which are hilarious. Someone asked me if she was premature the other day while I was carrying her after an unsuccessful walk... umm no, she's just little. I think it didn't help that she was scrunched up so tight you could barely see her feet sticking out.

-The noises. To quote the Grinch, "All the NOISE, NOISE, NOISE, NOISE!" Seriously though, newborns aren't quiet. There are squeaks, squeals and squawks; grunts, growls and groans. I know long before she wakes up because of her noises. She will sometimes cry out in the night, which usually means her stomach is bothering her. But it never stops me from jumping up to make sure she hasn't fallen out of her crib or something.
She has startled herself awake with her little noises. That first week we had her home, she would make growling sounds accidentally and give us a startled look, like "What was that?"
And now that she has found her voice, she has SURE found her voice! Newborns do NOT have a tiny kitten cry when they are mad. She sounds like a full on angry person. Luckily that's just for a short time during the day... and night.
-Her faces. She is hilarious. I love her little furrowed brow:

The faces she makes in the car seat:

How suspicious she looks:

The way she reallllly tries to smile:

The face she makes when you move her while she's sleeping:

And have I mentioned that she has red hair?? That is another thing I don't want to forget. Chances are she will be blonde when she's older, but for now I will love this orange goodness.

 -The way she always has her hands up by her face.

She always looks like she's doing tai chi or something... when there's music playing she looks like she's conducting.

Seriously. So cute.

She's quite the cute baby. We get stopped all the time. I don't mind people commenting if they DON'T TOUCH.

(On a side note, I'm glad I'm half my pregnancy weight down from this picture... swell city.)

The heart of a mother.

So, Sunday was Mother's Day. It is so weird that it was my first one as a mom. Has that hit me yet? Not really.

Now, as we are all of 4 weeks into parenthood I don't think I know everything (or anything) about being a mother yet. I really just feel like I'm surviving. But I can write about what I do know and about how I feel.

A mother's heart is afraid. Really, I am constantly afraid that something will happen to her. When we first brought her home, I would cry every time I fell asleep because I was so worried about what would happen to her while I was asleep, and if I would see her again. I would have slept by her every part of every night if it weren't for Brandon forcing me to go to bed. Then I would lie there terrified of what would happen until my body would just fall asleep on its own. Fortunately I'm getting past that, but I still get up to check on her if her breathing sounds funny in the night.

A mother's heart is tired. SO SO tired. Cora is still getting up every 3 hours... she usually goes down ok after she eats, but that still is an hour. So I'm only sleeping 2 hours at a time. I am just praying I don't get sick.

A mother's heart is learning. I am already starting to figure out some of Cora's tells. She has a cry for when she is cold (which is the saddest thing to me), which is usually after bathtime. Luckily she forgives us after she is wrapped up in a warm blanket, and we snuggle which is my favorite part. I mean, look at the way she's looking at me. How can that not melt your heart?

She has hungry cries, and just wanting to be held cries. We are learning to differentiate.

I am still not perfect, at ALL. Cora doesn't get a bath as much as she probably should (I'm not comfortable doing it by myself yet), and she sleeps on us more than she should (can't resist that either), but she is loved and I'm sure she knows it.

A mother's heart loves, and loves, and loves, and loves. I still love this girl so much. Even though I am exhausted and constantly hoping that what I am doing is right, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Love love love her.

So on to Mother's Day.

Brandon made sure it was a good day for me. He took Cora for 4 hours in the night, which means I slept for 4 hours! Woohooooo! When I woke up, Brandon surprised me with Lucky Charms (yes!). So I got that and got to sleep in a little more when Cora slept. Brandon went to church, and I stayed at home (I'll probably go back soon, I just want her little immune system to get stronger first). Then the sister missionaries in our ward came over to video chat with their families and had dinner with us. Brandon made some great pork chops, mashed potatoes, and salad with Inka Cola (my other favorite). Then we got to video chat with the whole Murphy family including Dallin. Our last missionary call for who knows how long. Dallin looked good and talked really fast, which was funny.

While we were waiting some of the effects got turned on, which made for some hilarious pictures. This one kills me... poor Graham the pirate cat.

Cora and I matched, which actually was by accident. She was not impressed.

While she was kind of cranky the whole day, it was still a really good and lowkey Mother's Day. Which, when you have a newborn is what you want.

Day 1 of the rest of my life.

Today was the first day I was REALLY on my own with Cora.

I was terrified. I almost cried last night thinking about it.

My little angel baby has been so fussy lately. On Saturday we watched ALL of the Lord of the Rings movies while she cried and refused to sleep anywhere but on top of one of us. Not a productive day. So naturally I was worried about what I would do, especially since Brandon would be gone for ELEVEN hours!

The morning was rough. Cora screamed and projectile spit up all over me and the bed, and would not nap. I think something's going on with her poor stomach, because she spits up a lot. It breaks my heart. So I put her in the stroller and she initially didn't like it, but she calmed down.

 (She doesn't like the flowers in her hair, but they're so stinking cute that I put them in anyway.)

 Luckily I brought a blanket to put over the top of the stroller just in case... it was windy outside. She HATES the wind. So she started to wail and I threw the blanket on top, it was quiet so I peeked under there after about 2 minutes and saw this:

 Angel baby. She slept for a LONG time. I walked about 2 miles (longest I've walked in a while... my legs hurt) because I didn't want her to wake up just yet. I would have walked further but it was 90 degrees outside and I wanted to make sure she could breathe. But she slept most of the rest of the afternoon! I even got a little nap in when I could finally put her in her crib.

And, we survived. She is so so so cute, even when she is screaming at me. It doesn't happen often, and I know it's a phase so I just feel bad that something is bothering her.

My tiny little girl.

Blessed.

I'm working on reminding myself of just how blessed I am.

Sure, I feel like my eyeballs are about to fall out. I've been spit up on many times already (she dodges the burp cloth), and I feel less like a parent and more like Meals on Wheels. Brandon and I have barely slept in the same bed in 2+ weeks, and I haven't slept more than 2 and a half hours at a time since getting to the hospital. There have been a few tears shed in the middle of the night where I wonder what the heck I'm doing. I don't remember the last time I brushed my teeth (I know I do it, I just don't remember when...), or the last time I washed my hair. Sometimes it is every day for 5 days, sometimes I forget for a few showers.

(Brandon snapped this lovely shot a few nights ago. Cora just likes to be with us.)
But Cora is really a dream baby. She only cries when she's cold, and about once a night when she's tired and can't figure out how to fall asleep. Part of that might be that I am so sensitive to her sounds that I know when she is waking up and hungry, and I get her up. I'm already spoiling her.

(And here we are at 2 AM when she was just wanting to chat.)
But in the middle of the night, when I'm ready to cry because I'm just so tired, I remember what Brandon told me our second night in the hospital. The nurse came in after testing her bilirubin levels, and said that they had been a little bit high so they had to do a blood test. In addition, they said she had already lost 9% of her body weight (which when you are only 7 pounds is a lot I guess), so they said I had to supplement with formula. Now I hadn't slept more than an hour  at a time in almost 2 days, so the idea that my body was failing my baby was too much for me. Brandon came to my part of the room and found me just completely melting down. He sat down and told me that it's normal to have newborns lose some weight at the beginning, and that my body wasn't failing anyone besides the fact that I was exhausted. He told me that when he was checking into the maternity ward he heard another guest ask, "So, are they in the maternity ward yet?" And the worker at the desk said, "No, they're still in the ICU."
I have a healthy baby. I have a healthy body. I have a supportive husband who is doing what he can to make sure that I don't completely fall apart. We are both exhausted but learning to rely on each other. And we are 3 weeks in!

Pregnancy Progression in Pictures

I took a picture about every 5 weeks... the first 3 pictures are super hilarious because of how flat they are. So bear with me, I was just excited. I even cropped my face out because of how ridiculous I felt.

5 weeks.

 
 10 weeks (major bloat, I was -10 pounds at this point so that cannot be real).

15 weeks.

I figured at 20 weeks I didn't have to be ashamed of taking a picture anymore so I let Brandon start taking them for me.

20 weeks.

25 weeks.

30 weeks.

35 weeks.

I didn't get a picture right before we went to the hospital, but I took this a week before she was born (37 weeks 2 days)

Here is a picture of me on D-Day, if you are ready to judge how bloated my fluid-filled face is:

*shudder* I was only about 18 hours post delivery here.
And of course I got a picture on my due date with my "bump" Cora!

I can finally admit that I was in some denial about my swelling. I didn't realize how bad it was until now... I never realized my ankles were so thin before!
I really began to love my pregnancy towards the end. Sure, I was paranoid about my weight gain. Sure, I was in pain. But I loved the connection I had with her that nobody else did... is that selfish to admit? Oh well. I loved it. But that doesn't mean we are going to do that again too soon... 1) we already have a perfect baby and 2) I just need to remember how sick I was for the first half to remember why it was hard.