30 Days of thanks- November 2014

So I got lazy this year and didn't write every day on what I was thankful for. But, I thought I'd just write the top 10 things we have been thankful for, since our lives have been so blessed this year.

1) We live in Florida. Seriously. It's 80 degrees outside and even when it's cold, it's not really that cold. The beach is beautiful, and being able to walk around in shorts year round is really a blessing. Some people may miss the seasons, but I sure as heck don't!

(I mean look at this- it's stunning!)

2) Our finances. When we were planning to move here, we had the goal to use our loan money to only pay rent, and my teaching job would cover all other expenses.

Welllll, that didn't happen. I got pregnant, didn't get hired, and had a really hard time finding a job. As in, I had a tutoring job for two weeks that didn't pan out because the family "couldn't afford it" (then called my friend a week later to ask her if she wanted the job. She didn't.)

We live right next to an elementary school, and it hurts my heart when I walk by and remember just how much I liked feeling important. I learned so much last year, mainly because it was a baptism by fire. It would not have been fun to teach while I was this sick, but I do miss feeling like I'm being productive and contributing to our family and society.
But we are doing ok! We were able to save enough money to get out here and for Brandon's financial aid to come in, and since then we have been living frugally enough to live off of that without having to rely on more assistance. We have had to make sacrifices (like going home for Christmas... sad face), but considering the cost of doctor's visits and the cost of living out here, I am ok with where we are standing.

3) Our parents. We have been so blessed to have such generous parents. They understand what it was like to have a small apartment, and to have a baby on the way when we aren't quite sure of our finances. They've been very generous to us, and we are so excited that they get to be the grandparents of our little one.

4) Our ward. It has been such a learning experience to live in a small ward like the one we are in now. We have never really been "needed" before, and had callings that required some effort, but not a lot. Moving here has taught us SO much. We have been put in contact with very interesting people from all over the world, and it's definitely been an adventure every week.
5) Friends. We miss our friends from Rexburg, even if they have already moved away too. It has been an adjustment, moving across the country to a place where we only knew 2 people. But I am SO glad we moved near Tanner and Alyse, and that they were welcoming enough that we were able to make friends in our ward quickly.
6) Brandon's PA Program. He has worked for years to be able to get to this point, and I'm so grateful that he still loves it! He really truly enjoys going to class every day, and no matter how hard it gets and how burnt out he may be from the workload he still loves learning. This bodes well for the future.
7) This tiny one. As much as I have complained about the first trimester half of pregnancy, it has been a pretty fun ride. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to show just a little bit, and I can feel the baby moving a LOT. Not constantly, because I know that comes in a few weeks. But for now, it's just so fun to feel. I've been going to bed later and later because just as I'm about to fall asleep, I can feel the baby kicking and rolling and punching (or whatever the heck it's doing), so I stay up and enjoy feeling it.
8) Brandon. Because what thankful list would be complete without a shoutout to the man who makes it all run smoothly? He's been in his hardest semester of school, got called to be the Ward Mission Leader for our ward (which is a high involvement kind of calling), and has a wife who's been basically incapacitated for the last few months. He's basically Superman in my eyes. I've put him in charge of taking out the trash and cleaning out the fridge, but he has done the dishes many times without complaint. Also, a few weeks ago when I almost got a hernia (heavy lifting), he brought the laundry down 2 floors and did the wash. As I'm still slowly but surely feeling better, I'm trying to take back over my jobs. But I sure appreciate a husband who will help out without giving me you-know-what for it.
9) My health. I had no idea everything that went into pregnancy. A few months ago, we got a call that I had tested positive for a disease (that will remain nameless, because of the nature of it). Obviously, I had no idea how this happened and I was scared. My first thought was that I had killed my baby. Luckily, this disease does not hurt the fetus, and would just require additional tests after birth.
OBVIOUSLY, as I had expected and reallllllllly prayed for, it turned out to be a lab error. Which I could have told them, but I am just so grateful that I do not have some sort of serious illness that I could potentially pass on to my baby.
10) The Gospel. As Christmas season is upon us (I love seeing Christmas lights on palm trees), it has reminded me of how grateful I am for the clarity the Gospel brings to my life. The Church isn't exactly popular in mainstream culture right now (when has it been?), but I stand by it and believe in it. I love that families are forever, and I encourage everyone to watch this video this Christmas season!
http://www.mormon.org/christmas

Thanksgiving 2014

Is it really almost December?? What the heck.

We changed our Thanksgiving plans a few times, but were happy to stay in Florida for the week. Brandon has a few tests next week, so he can study this weekend.

My day started with a 5k! I finally signed up for one with my friend Jeni, so that we would both have motivation to do it. She brought her 1 year old with her, and he was a trooper. But he did NOT like being in the stroller for that long.

We just jogged/walked it, and didn't worry about keeping any kind of time. I was worried about running, since I haven't since I got pregnant. But I think the baby enjoyed it... therapeutic bouncing.

We ran right along the A1A, which is the Atlantic's version of the PCH. It was a GORGEOUS day.

(When I think of this vs. our last Thanksgiving, it makes me very grateful we live here.)

Jeni and Kai at the finish line!

No the sand castle wasn't real. We were kind of disappointed.

While I was out doing that, Brandon was busy playing in a Turkey Bowl and making the turkey.
We photographed most of the process, because it took a while. He wanted to brine it, but we didn't have room for it in our fridge. So, we used our cooler!

The brine, which got the bad smell out of the kitchen for a while.

 Brining the turkey in 3 trash bags, in a cooler filled with ice. We changed out the ice a lot, don't worry.

Ready to bake!

(In the oven... the smell was ridiculously good. I wanted to eat it all right then.)

The master chef with his masterpiece.
Wednesday night I started feeling bad that I hadn't done anything to help with dinner, so I decided to make 2 pies. French Silk, of COURSE. I realized that while I like to bake, I'm not that confident in it. So this helped a lot. Note my very proud face when I finished one.

We had dinner at the Coleman's house, with many of our friends from the ward. The food was delicious, and the company was wonderful. I only ate one plate of food, but that was more than enough. Tiny's Thanksgiving gift to me was not making me throw up. We had dessert at a park, and I was able to eat a little bit of that one.

We have much to be grateful for this year, and I will write on that later. But for now, hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving near and far!

(PS the shirt was $13 at Target, so I got it in a size up to stretch with me. That's why it's so big.)

Pregnancy is not dignified, Part 2

As mentioned, I've struggled with this. Not only the sickness, but the fear before every appointment that I would be told my sickness proved too much for the baby and we lost it. And THEN the guilt of feeling like this, because I had wanted so badly to be pregnant!! And I still do, obviously. I don't feel like there's anything better I could be doing... I just wish there was a better way of doing it.

So today I read this article, and it has some passages that are word for word what I have felt.

http://ldsdaily.com/personal-lds-blog/getting-know-god-al-fox-pregnancy-expecting-unexpected/

I think the pregnancy "glow" is a load of hooey. As we speak I'm freezing my buns off because we have the A/C at full blast to keep the smell of the neighbor's cooking out of our apartment. My nose is so sensitive that I gag whenever I smell their diverse and multicultural meals.

See this? THIS is pregnancy glow.

My lowered immune system gave me an infection on my face, which caused my right cheek to swell up. I had to get it lanced today and an antibiotic. Cute right?

But anyway, Brandon and I had a great moment where he gave me a blessing last week. I was at the end of my rope and needed help. I won't say everything, obviously, but one thing he said really stuck out to me that I think could help pregnant women who are feeling like me everywhere. I was told that I have physically never been closer to the Savior, because of the sacrifices I am being required to make. And to think of the love I already have for this child because I am literally sacrificing myself for it. Now I always cry when Brandon gives me blessings, but ESPECIALLY this time. As miserable as I am at least once a day, what a reminder I have! The little kicks and squirms I have been feeling lately are just a reminder of the sacrifice I am making. And I believe that any mother makes it, no matter the pregnancy. But I just needed an extra reminder of it this time around! Hopefully I get the message quickly so I don't need as much next time right?

Back to my midnight snack. We've got a squirmy little thing that is always hungry.

Phillip Phillips Concert

So Brandon bought me tickets to go see my favorite band (Muse) for my birthday last year. Unfortunately, as the school year was much more crazy than I expected we didn't go. Which hurts my heart! But Brandon promised he would try to find a concert in Miami to go to. Of course now is the time that nobody is coming to South Florida, so we thought we might not be able to see a show before this baby is born.

So I was listening to the radio and heard an ad that Phillip Phillips was coming to town on the 15th. He's a winner of American Idol, and while Brandon and I don't know his stuff very well we've liked what we've heard. So I texted him just mentioning it, and he said he had already bought tickets! He was going to surprise me, but decided to tell me since he had just shot down my "babymoon" idea (another story).

So we were excited! It was at Hard Rock Live, at the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood. And no, we didn't have to go into the casino to get to the show thank goodness.

Our seats were up at the top (obviously, we wouldn't pay for closer), which gave us a good view of the whole stand. It's not like I could be in a pit right now anyways.

They had an unknown band opening for them, which turned out to be much better than expected! So we recommend people check out Saints of Valory.

And Phillip Phillips was exactly as we expected. He was excellent! He sounds just like his songs. Which is so refreshing in a world of auto-tune.

As I said, we don't really know his music that well. But we listened to his music all week, which helped a tiny bit. And the songs we did know we sang out!

One of the fun parts of Hard Rock is you get to see guitars signed by some of the greats. I got a picture with Bon Jovi's guitar:

And Brandon got a picture with Garth Brooks' guitar. That says a lot about our personalities.

Side note: we walked by a Mediterranean restaurant afterwards and saw a fire breather!

She moved too fast for a good picture but it was pretty sweet.

So that ended our crazy weekend of worldly activities and spending money. We don't have many other big plans for a while, but the Dolphins game and concert were 2 things on our baby bucket list.

(We don't like taking selfies, but thought it might be good to have a picture with the 2 of us for this occasion.)

Dolphins Game (And Karen's birthday!)

I thought I'd FINALLY blog about something fun we did. There's a few of them I need to catch up on, but here's what we did last night!

So about a month ago, Brandon told me there was a Barry fundraiser where they had tickets to the Dolphins game for cheap. So why not? We didn't really have the desire to go to a Dolphins game normally, but for a deal sure!

It happened to fall on Karen's birthday, and so he made a poster for his mom's birthday. Seriously cute.

(it was 70 degrees, but I crocheted a teal beanie. It was just too good to pass up on.)

I just told him he needs to just teach our boys to love their mom this much.

When we got to our seats, we saw why the seats were so cheap. Second row from the top... what a hike.

Luckily, we could see the whole field from where we were. It was quite the show! I read that the baby is just now beginning to be able to hear, so I wondered what it was thinking with all the fireworks and loud music at the beginning of the game.

 We did NOT get on TV with the poster, but it wasn't for a lack of trying. There was plenty of dancing and jumping around (from him, I can't do much right now).

Lots of good food (they don't allow purses at all in the stadium, so my usual snack supply was at home), which we are now on a cleanse from. Only fruits and veggies today. So who knows how many NFL games we ever go to, but it was way fun while it lasted. And happy birthday Karen we love you!

Pregnancy is NOT dignified.

I think that whoever said "Pregnancy is bliss" was never actually pregnant.
Or if they were, they never had a "typical" first trimester.

They didn't struggle with food aversions, when something as simple as peanut butter brings up awful memories of vomiting and you can't bear to look at it.

They were probably able to continue their exercise regimen, because their pregnancy didn't come with a warning label that moving faster than a snail's pace might cause... yep, throwing up.

They never had breakdowns because they were SO hungry and yet so nauseous, and weren't sure if they could even keep a baby alive like that.

They never had to swallow their guilt as the only thing that helped them feel better was a Taco Bell soft taco (my current craving).

And a million other, much more horrifying and TMI things that have happened.

So many people have said, "Just be grateful that you can get pregnant at all", and to that I just roll my eyes. I can be grateful for the miracle happening, but still miserable over what it is doing to my body right now. Nobody beyond Brandon, myself, and Heavenly Father knows what it took for this to happen. So I am very grateful, but losing 15 pounds is nothing to cough at.

AND I know it could be worse. And at the very least, so many other women go through what I have, and don't always have the support system I do. Which does help me feel a little better. My mom told me now I can see why a mother will do anything for their child, because the "bonding" begins right away, for better or worse.

In closing, here is a picture I found online and laughed really hard at. Because that's how I feel right now.

I'm just waiting to get to the part when people say they love being pregnant.

Halloween 2014

Halloween came at the end of a LONG month. Besides my being sick, Brandon had about 16 tests to take.. Poor guy. Plus he doesn't really like to dress up (SHOCKER), so every year it's a back and forth on what we should be. So this year was super laid back, because I told him next year we are definitely dressing up with the baby!

So, I went to WalMart on the 30th and started looking. Here is our final product:

Pumpkins!

I saw the pumpkin maternity shirt last year and thought it was adorable. But they didn't even have an orange shirt available, so I made a face out of orange felt and glued it onto a black shirt. Suuuuper crafty, right?

Brandon went to school, and I finished my "costume" and went out to get a flu shot (and almost got denied BECAUSE I was pregnant... What the heck?! I was so mad. Anyway.) and we went to the ward chili cook off/trunk or treat. I am SO glad my morning sickness is pretty much gone because I had a LOT of spicy chili. Soooo good. Major heartburn but totally worth it. And the trunk or treat quickly turned into a free for all as kids came to our car 4 or 5 times. But little Ezra even got into the spirit of things- he would say "blalalalala" and hold out his bag for candy. We were dying laughing... But then he got mad when I took a few Butterfingers back later. (My favorite.)

We had talked about watching a scary movie for Halloween, but I didn't want to watch a horror movie. My body doesn't let me sleep well as it is right now, and a horror movie would make it worse. So we watched "World War Z". It's a zombie movie, which I usually hate. But this one wasn't bad. The mass hysteria reminded me of how the U.S. is freaking out about Ebola and thinks we're all going to die. But if there was a disease that turned people into zombies I'd definitely run!

Not very adventurous Halloween, overall. We're too old for that nonsense. But I'm stealing this picture of Dane for last- because he's SO cute. Can't wait to dress up this tiny being next year!

Grateful.

This pregnancy has been rough thus far.

I've lost a ridiculous amount of weight, and been presented with more interesting health challenges than I could have guessed.

But all I'm feeling is grateful right now.

Why?

My doctor has been wonderful. He doesn't sugar coat what he says, and he's willing to admit when he doesn't know something. That is so important to me, because I tend to be a nervous person, especially with pregnancy. Plus he has monitored the tiny one, and assures me that nothing has hurt the baby.

I'm so grateful for Brandon. Have I mentioned that before? I think us getting married and blending our personalities has prepared us for this point. Because he has been a ROCK. And today, when he could tell I just needed a little TLC, he came home and took me out to dinner rather than study right away. Just so we could talk. (And I kept it down, thank you very much.)

My family has been fantastic as well. I have complained a LOT over the last few months of sickness, mainly when I was so miserable. I'm so glad that they put up with it, and gave me advice while not belittling my feelings. Because I know I'm a tiny bit of a drama queen.

Right now I am just so grateful for the peace of mind that Gospel living brings. I've been so nervous this whole pregnancy that I've been doing the right thing, eating the right thing, not starving it, etc. But I've also had a sense of peace, knowing that this is what was meant to happen. Whatever happens is meant to. Brandon blessed me last year on my birthday (among other things) that I will know the Lord's will with our children, and that we will have them in the right timing. This is the right timing, and God will not abandon me now. That is not who He is.

So, I celebrate the successes and wait for the end of the trials. 

And happy second trimester! This is my teeny tiny baby/nachos bump.

It looks massive from my perspective... oh well!

Out of the loop

In case you're wondering why I haven't been good about blogging for a while, it's because of this:

(I took this picture because I literally thought I was seeing things... I was home alone and Brandon was at school, I couldn't believe it. PREGNANT?!)

And this:

(Nope I can't see the baby either. Which is why hearing the heartbeat was such a relief.)

And this:

(My dad came into town about a week after my morning sickness hit so I had to tell him!)

And this:

(I've never felt love so quickly as when I saw that turkey kicking and dancing around. There's a BABY in there!)

And this:

(Ice, Ice, Baby- how we announced it to the world!) and no, I don't really have a belly yet. Losing weight does that to you.

So to back up: I've felt like we should have a baby for a while. But we both got the feeling that I needed to focus on teaching last year. I taught, we moved, I looked for a teaching job. Couldn't find one.

On their first day of school, I dropped Brandon off for his first day of orientation and went downtown to talk to the school district about substitute teaching. I grabbed a bagel from Einstein's (so good) and as I was walking out I saw the CVS and the thought came to me, "Grab a pregnancy test." Umm, why? Sure, whatever.

As you can see, it turned up positive. I LOST MY MIND. I was hyperventilating and freaking out from excitement. Me? Now? Really? But there was also a lot of fear. I didn't want to get too excited in case I went in and they  couldn't find a heartbeat.

But at the same time, AHHHHHHHH! So I thought of how to tell Brandon. I went to Target to buy a onesie to give to him after his white coat ceremony, and then waited. And waited. Longest wait of my life!

After his white coat ceremony, I came out and took pictures of his class. My hands were shaking so much. He hugged me and asked to see the pictures I took, so I gave him my phone. He went one too far and saw the test and I said "NO you weren't supposed to see that!" And yanked my phone out of his hands. He said, "Wait, seriously? Are you?" I nodded and my eyes filled up with tears as I realized this made it not just my hallucination anymore. He hugged me and said, "I'm so happy for you!" "Me?! US!!" His face went a little pale and he said, "Oh yeah, I'm going to be a dad... I think I need to sit down." A lot to take in for one day.

So I scheduled my first appointment, and unfortunately Brandon couldn't come. I was so nervous… What if the heartbeat wasn't there? What if the food poisoning feeling I had had for the last week was just food poisoning and not morning sickness? I had only been able to keep down wheat thins and ginger ale for a long time. When the ultrasound tech pulled up the picture of the baby, it wasn't there. I got a little bit nervous until they showed me a flash of movement, and said "see that? It's the baby." Then they pulled up a heartbeat and they said it was perfect. So my fears started to go away.

And we told my dad at just 7 weeks the day after that first ultrasound, because I had been feeling so badly and couldn't keep anything down. He was so excited and happy to be the first person we told.

And the rest is history! Brandon and I feel so blessed to have this little tiny person joining our family. We aren't entirely sure what we want to have. Brandon wants a girl, but we will be so excited no matter what happens.

At the ultrasound Thursday, the baby wouldn't roll over for the technician. They wanted to get a cute profile picture, but it wouldn't give it to them. When the tech pushed on my stomach to move it around, the baby just turned so its back was to us. So we saw its spine for the rest of the ultrasound. She said "Seems like you have a baby with strong opinions." That didn't surprise us at all. Just dancing and kicking away! Wiggling its bum, just like its dad.

Estimated arrival date: April 28, 2015.

PS: morning sickness is the WORST. As much as I tried to look at it from the perspective of "just a reminder that baby's still there!", it got way annoying to eat one bite and then throw up. So I feel for all women with morning sickness... And hopefully I will stop losing weight!

"Their mothers knew it."

So, I've been trying to have personal scripture study this year. I haven't been good in the past, so I thought it would be fun to follow an Instagram account called "BofM365" that has passages so you can read the whole Book of Mormon by the end of the year. I haven't been 100%, and as a result I'm behind so I've been reading big chunks at a time.

I just read the story of Helaman and his stripling warriors. I remember the animated movie we had a long time ago, and I LOVED it. There's the part when they all stand up and say they know they'll be ok in the heat of battle, because their mothers knew it. Their mothers had been responsible for their learning in the Gospel, and because of that upbringing they were confident that they would survive the battle.

I've always loved that. I mean, I always knew MY mom knew the Gospel, and I know Brandon knew his mom did too. We have grandparents who are great examples of Gospel knowledge. But that leaves me wondering... what about ME? Am I going to be the kind of mother that raises a "stripling warrior" who can go off to battle and know that he (or she) will come back unshaken in their faith?

I've told Brandon that I'm terrified of bringing a child into this kind of world. We are in a world where religion is seen as "weak", and not swaying my beliefs because my beliefs might hurt someone's feelings is seen as "closed minded". Same sex marriage is seen as beautiful and natural, while monogamy is seen as unnatural. Affairs happen rampantly now, and out in the open! The idols people worship, aka celebrities, have a "long lasting marriage" if they last 5 years. This is madness! How much worse can it get?

I was raised in this time of change. My children will be raised when it is normal, and has been part of history. How can I tell my children that even though the law says it's normal, we still believe otherwise? And hope that they believe what the Gospel and their parents tell them?

What I've decided is this... I've heard that parents who have children who fall away from the Gospel can bring them back in the next life just from their righteous examples and living worthily of the Celestial Kingdom. And so if Brandon and I continue to live our lives the best way we can, and just teach our children the Gospel principles and encourage them to make their own choices, but to know that they have parents who will always love them, then we can trust that they will come back someday. This is easy to say with adult children being so far off in the future now, but I really want to believe that we will be able to raise righteous children who will follow the Gospel principles and the prophet's teachings.